The Dark Academy on Korriban

Even in their moments of intimacy, there had always been a guarded sense around Shaisha.

But now she opened her mind to him. She let him feel the equilibrium of emotions within her. The anger and hate she kept within her like glowing embers, now kept in calm with her concern for him, and her own wanting. It was not a yearning in a physical sense, but one of not wanting to be alone.

What have you lived for this far?

He took another step. He felt it. He couldn't hear the thoughts but he could feel everything else. "It's like that, but a thousand times stronger. Like trying to stem the flow of a river with your hands..

"There is more to strength than killing the biggest baddest thing around, or being the best with the lightsaber, or the strongest in the ways of the Force," she continues in a calm voice.

"I take in all my emotions, I do not let them control me, but I don't subdue them like a chained beast. I temper them." She breathes in deeply, and exhales slowly. "Like steel... the purest steel, is brittle. Like those who forget their emotions, or those who let them take control; they break. Being a being of pure rage is effective, for a limited time."

"Tempering that anger, that hate... it's what gives strength."

Another breath as she fights her own feelings of letting herself open up so to him, but she bares all those raw emotions. The disappointment in him. Her feelings of being reject. Of not being good enough. Her own frustration over her own failings. Her love... for her family. For her friends... like him. In her darkness, those feelings were the embers, the fuel to her fire.

"What do we strive for as Sith?"

He closes his eyes and holds them shut, focusing as best he can. If she could feel his rage right now she might break too. He was glad that she couldn't.

"The dam was broken. I've never felt it this strongly..." He brings his hands up to the sides of his head as though that would help him focus.

"It is like the first time I felt the dark side..." Slowly he starts to control his, breathing in slowly, then out slowly, shakily.

"It may be the first time I truly felt it..." His eyes open again and he looks at her, the wildness mostly gone.

"To break the chains," he responds to her. "To break the chains."

Finally, he moved right in front of her, and put his hands on her arms. "This was my failure. It will not happen again." Compared to before the rage in his voice was more like an undercurrent, still present but held in check. "You should not have had to do this for me. My strength is nothing without my control and you gave that back to me. You keep yours so much more easily than I do. In this way you are by far my superior, without any doubt."

"Thank you. For sharing it," he doesn't know how she will take it but he addresses it anyway. "You are not inadequate in any way. Not in the slightest. You are here for me when I needed it. When I needed your power, strength, and guidance. She broke me... you made me whole. I have a great deal to consider given those facts."

"Like the river you felt you had to hold back; don't be in the river, don't even be the stone swept by the river... be the river. Like the Force. We aren't beings touched by it, we are the Force," her voice continues in a calm timbre as she lets him look into the well of her emotions.

"It's a muddy river, certainly, but that's what happens when it comes in touch with the world around it. Break the chains of illusion that we are tied to a destiny; we are Sith, and make our own destiny. We break the chains and take control of what we want to be."

Her hands reach out and gently folds over his. "Never forget yourself. And what you fight for. What you live for."



OOC: I... will probably get Conflict for this, I think.

It's still there, that darkness that was his rage. He can feel it and it is finally under his command. "That is what I want to be... it could be I was seeking in the wrong path. Perhaps rather than trying to fill myself with it I need to fill the dark side with my will. I may have been swimming upstream. Your control and discipline... your mastery of yourself..."

He pulls her close into an embrace. "Perhaps I was asking the wrong person the wrong questions and fell into the wrong hole. Perhaps the right person is the one that had faith in me, and gave me strength, even when I disappointed her."

"Perhaps it is a difference of our backgrounds that has given me the discipline to be more in touch with these things... not that I would recommend going through that to you." Or hereditary, she considers for a moment. Neither of her parents were any lacking in discipline or willpower. All these years, it must've taken him an immense amount of control.

"We are comrades, Zeno," she returns the embrace, leaning her head against his. "I believe in loyalty to those worthy of it. You are better than being a mere beast to your rage and anger."

"Comrades. I feel closer than that to you at this point. I may have my feelings under control for the time being, but I will definitely have to think about the future. That you'll be part of it is undeniably wonderful. But I think after this... after I figure everything out and temper myself..." He doesn't want to say it because he fears what happened the last time he gave in.

But then he uses Shaisha's own words to himself. "I may find that I want more with you. And less with the one that made me lose myself."

Her feelings turns guarded once more. As if she is unwilling to give that final step.

"... I don't know... right now, I'm not certain if I want to commit myself to such. It's something I would have to think about," she sighs. "But I think that would be best for you too."

"That is what I said," he replies. "I am not asking for a commitment. I just wanted to know if you would be open to it in the future. The more I consider the fact that I became what I did just now with her, the more I believe that path will do more harm than good."

"I still have many considerations to make. Whether setting myself on that path is worth the risk of losing myself forever. But with you, you've proven that I need not worry about that. It will take time and you will be able to consider it. And I will respect that answer. It will not stop me from caring for you and being at your side when you call."

"We'll see. But for now, yes, I won't stop caring for you, and if you need me again, I will come," she nods and hug him tightly. ""... I actually don't know what traditional Sith courtship would be like either."

"So... uhm, sorry for hitting you and choking you?"

"Did you just apologize to me for that?" he asks. "That is courtship for me."

She lets out a short laugh. "Oh right, I forgot I was talking to you. How silly of me."

"Though I don't think that was on your mind then."

"That... is still unclear," he says. There's still something off about him. Or maybe it's just that the ordeal has tired him out. But there is a distinct lack of humor in his tone. His words are his, clear, but there may be some lingering emotional damage that he still needs to process.

He continues embracing her, warm and comforting. "Whatever the future holds, you opened yourself up to me. And I felt your true self bared. I cannot read thoughts but the types of thoughts that cause those emotions? For you they are unwarranted."

"... I guess you are special in that regard. I've never opened myself up like that to anyone, ever," she admits with a heavy voice. "I've spent so much of my life putting up walls, and guarding my inner self; my thoughts and emotions."

"I did not know what else to do, but to try and draw you in. To find the strength I've found."

"And I've never had those walls. Perhaps that is why this has been such an ordeal for me," he says in turn.

"Whoever caused you to feel that way... they have done you a disservice and a favor at the same time, giving you the drive to develop such strength of mind, but allowing such to linger within. I will see my way through this because of you. For that, I would die before I rejected you."

"... Thank you," she breathes out the words.

"It's a long story. I might tell you some time. But in hindsight, yes, I suspect some of the reasons behind everything was perhaps to make me stronger. The pains of it never go away, but I can't deny that it has shaped me to who I am today."

Her grip tightens a little. "And I don't want to see you driven to the edge of sanity like that again."

"My legs are tired," he says flatly, before scooping her up in his arms. He walks over to the only tree trunk he had not cut down and sits, setting her on his lap.

"Stay with me for a bit. I don't want to be alone, but I don't want to go back to camp."

She doesn't protest to the treatment of being carried, this time, and as they sit down she nods and rests her head against his shoulder.

"I'll stay," her voice is soothing as she slips off the glove from her hand, leaving it free and unprotected to caress his hair. "... I could sing you a song if you think that would help, like you did in the pirate ship?"

"It definitely would not hurt." He cradles her close, one arm around her waist, the other over her knees. He rests his head on hers, and continues to focus on controlling the stream of rage, diverting it into a reservoir. But it was still there and available to break at any moment he needed it to.

"It's been some time since I sang in a sober condition... But I did tell you I had recieved musical training when I was young," she says with a soft smile.

Her voice's timbre is gentle, warm and emotional, inviting a feeling of respite.

"Seas invite in the evening sun
to light the somber abyss.
Clouds dance up with the heavens' stars,
chanting an air of joyous bliss.

Water fades back from blue to jade,
guiding young rainbows high.
Flowers bloom into red and whites,
quenching our hearts when they run dry.

Angels chained by a beast locked in slumber.
Sin washed away by the swift flow of time.

I may know the answers.
Journeys over snow and sand.
What twist in fate has brought us
to tread upon this land?

Blessed by light and the burden of shadow.
Souls abide to an endless desire.

I may know the answers,
though one question I still hear.
What twist in fate has brought us
to roads that run so near?

Distant worlds together.
Miracles from realms beyond.
The lifelight burns inside me
to sing to you this song.
To sing with you this song.
To sing to you your song."

As she sings eventually the rage is completely under his control and he closes his eyes. He can't and won't deny it's presence. It is part of him fully and prevalently now, rather than something hidden away and waiting to explode beyond his control.

As she finishes her song he turns to kiss her on the top of her head. "Thank you. For lending me your strength. I will use it well."

"And thank you." She didn't say what, but her words were sincere.

"... I trust you've learned a valuable lesson today."

"I have learned many valuable lessons today. And it's also given me the opportunity and drive to learn more." He looks around the clearing.

"How to cut down trees being one apparently."

"Very useful, for making a fire," she dares to chuckle at that comment.

"What will you do now, going forward?"